A Young Woman’s Guide to Career, Mental Health, and Money.
This blog is a ten minute read.
“I’m 18 years old, and I need to leave home, but I feel scared and alone.” “I need help with money, budgeting, getting a job, and my mental health.”
Angry, hopeful, excited, and scared. That was me when I left home at seventeen. With only a few clothes stuffed in an orange garbage bag, I had a passionate desire to create an independent life. I wanted a fresh start. The problem? I had no idea how to make that happen. With so many unanswered questions and a lack of tools to make good life choices, I accepted painful situations that I didn’t need to. On top of that, anxiety became just another part of my everyday existence.
But it doesn’t have to be that way for you. 🙂
You want more for yourself. You want to create a life that’s safe, happy, fulfilling, and where you learn to become your own best friend. Deep down, this is what you really desire, right?
I believe, without a doubt, this is for you. Let’s say it together:
“I will create a life that is safe, happy, fulfilling, and where I learn to become my own best friend.”
“I have my own dreams, and I will achieve them!”
Create a New Mental Image for Yourself
Can you just imagine a life free of toxic relationships? A life where you can think about what it means to become whole and happy? This is an exciting journey, and it’s one of the most critical adventures of your life.
Which brings me to point #1: Who you choose to date is the most important decision you will ever make. Dating is the key that unlocks the next step, which is marriage. Be so aware that the choices you make in this area will help determine your entire future. Who you choose to date can help heal your heart, instead of hurting it.
A Little About My Story
Becoming pregnant at the age of nineteen was a result of a relationship where I was desperately searching for love. There is nothing wrong with wanting and desiring love! We were designed for it.
But, if you don’t have the right tools for building relationships, it can be challenging territory, and you may end up falling into the only thing you currently know.
I didn’t know how to create a well-balanced life for myself with my own hopes and dreams. I relied on others to make decisions for me. At the age of 18, I needed life skills that allowed me to nurture myself. I needed to learn how to become my own best friend, so that loving myself first became a priority over putting other people’s needs ahead of my own. I was always so busy fixing other people’s problems.
Something that contributed to my desperation for love was that I didn’t feel confident or safe. As a result, I was all over the place, trying to make good choices, as best as I could.
The need to feel loved is very important. In fact, it’s one of the most important aspects of life—besides food, clothing, and shelter. The deep emotional need to feel loved can drive you to make premature romantic decisions before you are ready. (That was me.) Can you relate?
So, I did something I believed would fix this deep need that had many challenges associated with it.
I chose to live with someone at the age of 18 simply to fulfill a romantic need without the lifelong commitment of marriage. This brought chaos and pain. Thankfully though—it’s been fixed.
Who You Allow Into Your Life and Heart Is the Most Critical Decision You Will Ever Make.
If this is you, just nod your head, so I know I’m on the right track with you.
You are allowed to take things slow. Romantic love does not need to be rushed. Rushing means you are afraid something will disappear.
When I left home, I needed big sister advice on big life choices, like the one I’m talking about. I also needed help with other major choices, like how to pick roommates, career advice that would help me make healthy long-term plans, and money advice.
You Can Be Successful
It doesn’t matter where you’ve come from, what truly matters is where you are going. Perhaps you’ve come from a challenging situation where you felt unwanted, or maybe your family was controlling and didn’t encourage you to have your own thoughts and feelings. It’s possible you grew up in a household that made you feel unsafe and unloved. Or maybe there was abuse from your parents or family members, and you just want to leave it all behind.
Another scenario that’s common for young women wanting to leave home and become independent is that you were never permitted to have a real relationship with your dad, and you desperately needed that stability. Now, your anxiety is through the roof.
And maybe, just maybe, you’re really angry. I get all of that, and so much more.
I want to share with you how to begin healing from anxiety and family wounds, but first, let's tackle the three most important things you need to know:
How to get a job when you first leave home
Where you should live as an 18-year-old woman
How to create financial stability
Did I mention that I am a Certified Life Coach and Certified Executive Coach with a *Masters? At one point, I helped corporations hire and create long-term careers for their executives. So, when it comes to career and job advice, you’re in good hands.
How to Get a Job When You First Leave Home
My first job when I left home was in the oilfield. I was the only female on a crew of sixty men, and my boss told me I was the hardest worker in his company. I’m telling you this because you need to approach your job with excellence. I picked a job where I could spend most of my time outdoors (I love being outside), but perhaps I could have gone for a landscaping job where I planted flowers instead of working on a pipeline. The point is: apply yourself in a job you’re passionate about. When you wake up, you should feel excited to go to work—not dreading it.
Think about what excites you. Do you love to bake, create drawings, or are you passionate about exercise? Maybe you’d want to become a fitness trainer. You don’t have to rush into a career right away, and you certainly don’t need to dive into a 3-4 year postsecondary program immediately. Consider part-time jobs to explore your interests while figuring out your next steps.
And hey, you might even want to own your own business one day.
The goal when choosing a job or career is to find something that enhances who you were meant to be—something that brings peace and joy. The money will come as long as you’re enjoying the journey.
Always have an attitude of helpfulness at work, and aim to be early, not just “on time.” This mindset shows your boss that you care, and it earns you respect.
Gaining respect at work is invaluable.
There’s so much more to share, but let’s move on and talk about where to live when you leave home at 18.
Where Should I Live as an 18-Year-Old Woman?
I grew up in a man’s world. Surrounded by men on a ranch, I thought I had it all figured out. But here's the truth: that dynamic doesn’t work when you leave home as a young woman trying to figure out life. I moved in with a bunch of single men, thinking it would be easier to get along with them. Maybe that’s true in some ways, but here’s what can happen: you end up babysitting, cleaning, and being a “worker bee.” This is not the life you want for yourself.
If you’ve come from a challenging family dynamic, where you were taught to take care of others who were supposed to take care of you, you may feel compelled to take on other people's problems. Perhaps you believed you were a burden to the adults in your life and tried to please them as best you could, but it never really worked, did it?
You deserve to enjoy your life fully, and taking on the emotional needs of others should not be your responsibility. This can lead to codependency, which can seriously affect your mental health as a young woman. Right now, you have the opportunity to break free from that pattern and start healing.
You can absolutely make changes and create a life you love—one that is fulfilling, independent, and joyful.
Now, let’s talk about living arrangements. Here are some tips to set yourself up for success:
Consider sharing an apartment with other young women or maybe even renting a basement suite. Choose a safe neighborhood where the people around you are respectful. You definitely don’t want to room with guys—this can easily turn into romantic situations that can leave you stuck in stressful situations if things don’t work out. If things go wrong, you may find yourself with an unaffordable lease and no easy way out.
Always bring someone with you when you’re looking at a rental property. Your safety is important, and having a second person with you is always a good idea.
If you've grown up in a controlling environment, you might not want to check out church-based living arrangements, but a quiet suite with a trustworthy family from church could be a safe, great option.
Avoid downtown living, especially for young women, as it's often less safe than other areas.
Trust the right romantic relationship will come at the right moment. Focus on maintaining your independence first. Love, marriage, and family are wonderful—but only when you’re ready. You want to ensure that you’ve built a solid foundation as your own best friend before bringing someone else into your life.
Spend a year or two enjoying your own company, learning who you are, and building a life you’re proud of. Dating can come later, but it’s much much better and much safer, when you’re deeply connected with yourself. If you find that your biggest passion is being with someone else instead of nurturing your own growth, you may be leaning into codependency. A good sign of healing is when you can enjoy friendships where people don’t control or make decisions for you—whether that’s through group meetups, classes, or learning opportunities that align with your interests.
And if you’re worried about falling into unhealthy religious environments, I understand. Start by meditating on God’s love for you. Read one or two verses from Psalms each night, focusing on how loved you are by God. Finding the “perfect” church is a nice thought and you can also trust that with God.
How to Create Financial Stability as a Young Woman
This may sound a bit blunt, but let’s get real: I made some mistakes in my younger years. I got caught up in distractions like partying, drinking, and smoking. Looking back, I see how much time and money I wasted—and how that was just a way of searching for love in all the wrong places.
Here’s the deal: replace drugs, drinking, and smoking with something more positive. It’s one of the best choices you can make for your future, especially if you’ve come from a difficult home life. When you’re trying to escape your reality, distractions like these can feel comforting—but they ultimately keep you stuck. Staying clear-headed and focused on your goals will set you up for success.
By avoiding these distractions, you’ll be able to pursue financial stability and your dreams with clarity and ease. When you live on your own, you need all of your wits about you. Getting involved with alcohol or drugs can open doors to dangerous situations. Whether at a party or alone at home, these habits only bring heartache and problems. If you never start, you never have to quit.
I’m grateful that I didn’t fall into the trap of hard drugs. I made a clear decision early on: “I will never do hard drugs.” That decision was one of the best I’ve ever made.
Let’s say it together now: “I will make choices that heal me.”
“I am worth it!”
Now that we’ve covered the essentials, let’s dive into something just as important: your budget.
All the things we’ve talked about—independence, self-discovery, and personal growth—come with their costs. Creating a budget is key, and you need to revisit it each month. List your expenses and income so you know exactly where your money is going. Here’s a list of things to include:
Rent
Utilities
Phone bills
Groceries
Clothes
Personal hygiene items
Hair appointments
Bus pass or car insurance/registration
Leisure activities
And here’s an important tip: avoid going into debt with a car payment. If you have a car payment, it means you can’t afford the car yet. I bought my first car for $800 in cash. It was a small, reliable car, and I didn’t have the weight of debt hanging over me. If you take on a car payment, you could spend years paying it off—making it harder to get ahead financially.
So, there you have it. What I thought would be a quick blog ended up turning into a mini-book! I hope you’ve found it helpful.
This is just the beginning of a Young Woman’s Guide to Career, Mental Health, and Money—your foundational knowledge as you embark on this exciting journey to independence, where you learn to become your own best friend.
I know you can do this.
Love,
Nancy