Worth the Wait
“I’m a single mom and I feel so alone”…”I want to date as a single mom, but I don’t know how”.
Making intentional choices about dating and marriage while juggling stress, pain, and parenting requires incredible self-control. This blog is for single mothers who deeply desire marriage and family but feel impatient and are eager to fast-track the process. God wants to help you steer the course of your life, empowering you to exert your will and make choices that align with his heart. (If you’re feeling stressed as a single mom you can download my free course here.)
God truly wants to give you the desires of your heart, and He also wants to help you prepare for marriage in a way that allows you to enter it with clarity, ensuring you make choices that align with His plan for you.
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4
After 16 years as a single mom, I remarried at 40. I share more about that in my podcast. Years earlier, I had heard God speak to my heart, telling me that I would remarry once my children had grown. And that's exactly what happened. I dive deeper into this story in my podcast. By the time my youngest son was finishing his last year of high school, I met my future husband. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him across the room at an event. I thought, “That is the loveliest face I’ve ever seen.” At that moment, I had no idea what he did for a living, how many kids he had, or even if he was single. But I remember the sparkle in his eyes, and I knew deep down that his heart was “good.”
We became friends, and it didn’t take long for him to make it clear—he intended to marry me.
Before I met my husband, I spent many years battling deep loneliness. I tried dating, hoping it would fill the void, but deep down, I knew there was something better waiting for me. I trusted that God would bring me the right man, but each time I rushed things, I could feel it wasn’t going to work out. In fact, dating often made me feel sick to my stomach, but I kept pushing through—dinner dates, coffee dates, you name it. Yet, no man ever came close to being what I truly needed. I received marriage offers—some grand, some less so—but I couldn’t take the leap. Many of the men I met talked about knowing God, but their words didn’t align with their actions. I remember one date with a successful businessman who wore a gold cross on a chain and claimed to know God. But as I listened to him talk, I knew in my heart I wanted nothing to do with him.
There were years when I stayed steadfast, not dating at all. But then, something inside me would break, and I’d rush back into the cycle of trying to fill that loneliness with more meaningless dates. My deepest loneliness came when I gave in to the pressure of my emotions and let despair take root. But when I remained faithful and courageous, trusting that God had a plan, I realized staying single wasn’t as hard as it seemed.
You might relate to my struggle with feeling lost when it came to my sexuality and finding my place as a single woman. No matter how hard I tried to be friendly and approachable, I often felt misinterpreted. I eventually gave up trying to hang out with married couples—it just felt like too much work.
I want you to know this: your sexuality does not have to control your choices in dating. You are a sexual being, but you don’t have to let that define you or dictate your decisions. If you allow your sexuality to lead you, it can bring unnecessary complications into your life. What I’m trying to say is this: if you become intimate with someone who isn’t your husband, you’re opening the door to problems. I share more about this in my new book, where I dive deeper into my personal experiences and lessons learned along the way. Hope, Healing and Financial Blessings for Single Moms
I didn’t realize the depth of challenges that come with casual relationships outside of marriage, but now I know. The pain and heartbreak simply aren’t worth it.
Now, after building a bond with my husband where we are best friends and completely unified in every way, I look back and wish I had waited for him—and only him. Every single relationship before him pales in comparison. I didn’t understand the joy that comes with finding not just a partner, but a best friend, and stepping into the role of a wife. It’s nothing short of amazing and incredibly fulfilling.
Having someone in my corner who supports me and lifts me up has helped me become the woman God intended for me to be from the very beginning.
He expresses love to me in the way God intended—not like all those unfulfilling dates I went on.
My husband loves me exactly as I am. With all my faults and failures, he never judges me. He never speaks down to me, and he is genuinely eager to learn how to lead. I do my best to give him space to do that, and together, we find our way.
God wants to give you a husband who exemplifies His lovingkindness, safety, and protection. But you must be willing to wait for that in your life. Marrying the wrong man—or even living with him—can lead to turmoil and disaster. Rushing into a relationship can create pain and heartache, sometimes leaving scars that take years to heal.
Looking back, I would have steadied myself by first learning to become my own best friend. I would have focused on what it truly means to love and accept myself, rather than trying to "make" myself worthy. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the years is to express gratitude to God for creating me just as I am. I now make it a point to look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” It feels uncomfortable at times, but I keep saying it. After all, it's God's second commandment: to love Him first, and ourselves second.
Living with a Man vs. Marriage
Why would a man want to marry you if he can live with you and enjoy all the benefits without offering any real commitment? Think about it, ladies—living together is not a commitment. I’ve been there. Each time, the man I was with wasn’t interested in a long-term commitment. He only wanted to take, not give. The men I lived with wanted all the perks but were unwilling to sacrifice anything of themselves. And that’s exactly what marriage is about—sacrifice and service. Marriage is where you learn to serve each other with joy. Living together without marriage is rooted in scarcity and lack. Men who want to live with you know that you don’t fully love yourself, and they see that you’ll put up with things that you shouldn’t.
My husband and I lived together briefly because we didn’t trust God with the timing of our marriage. He had just come out of a high-conflict, three-year divorce, and we convinced ourselves we couldn’t wait. We didn’t understand just how much God loved us in that situation, nor did we trust ourselves fully. But there were consequences to that choice. We separated briefly before we were married, and God repaired our situation to make things right.
The purpose of this blog is simple: if you believe God wants you to remarry, ask Him about the details. Seek His guidance on what steps to take. Don’t waste time going on endless dates, trying to sift through men. I once read a "Christian" blog where a woman went on 50 coffee dates in quick succession, expecting to find her ideal man, only to be angry and upset when she couldn’t find a decent one. I can’t imagine God telling anyone to rush through 50 dates and expect success.
Derek Prince, one of the greatest Bible teachers of our time, had two successful marriages to strong single mothers. His first wife, Lydia, had eight children, and their marriage lasted 30 years until she passed away. He married his second wife, Ruth, who also had three children at the time. They later adopted a child together and enjoyed a deep, loving marriage for 20 years until Ruth passed away. Together, Derek and Ruth Prince wrote God is a Matchmaker, and their story continues to inspire me to remain hopeful during tough seasons. They exemplify what it means to build unity and strength as a couple, especially when a single mother enters into marriage.
Please remember, no matter what stage of life you’re in, there will be difficulties. Whether you're married or single, challenges will always arise, and you need to be steady and stable, ready to take on whatever unpredictable things come your way. Waiting for God to bring you your mate is no different.
If I could leave you with one parting word of encouragement, it would be this: Don’t wait for a man to fulfill your life. Take this time to enjoy yourself by learning, growing, and discovering who you truly are. Stay physically fit and healthy, and most importantly, guard your heart against disappointment. It’s much easier to overcome discouragement quickly before it takes root and lasts long-term.The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?
Proverbs 18:14 KJV
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Nancy