The Fear of Being Embarrassed in Public.

There is nothing worse than feeling powerless…and that takes me back to childhood experiences. Do you remember an incident of feeling embarrassed as a child? Of course you do.

Perhaps someone in a position of authority made you feel uncomfortable in a public setting and you still carry that shame with you. It’s possible in the back of your mind, when you think about getting up in front of a crowd to speak, that same uncomfortable feeling is trying to steal your confidence so you never fulfill your goals or dreams. Are you allowing a past situation to steal your place in life?

I can relate to that.

As a child in elementary school I remember we were required to participate in spelling bees. The teachers method, (while questionable today) would split the class in half by choosing two leaders. It was incredibly harsh as the same teachers pets were always picked. Those leaders would then stand at the front of the class hand-picking their teammates. One by one, the “picked” students would exit their desks, and file in behind the leader at the front of the class.

The students who were chosen last, they sat in their desks…waiting…dreading…hoping it wouldn’t be them.

Being picked last was like not being wanted at all. At least it was for me. I felt more than embarrassed. I felt ashamed, and I wanted the earth to swallow me up whole. Following that emotional let down, I was expected to perform well, and participate with great enthusiasm. This was not a great confidence builder, and it forced me into “acting” like everything was okay.

Some aspects of that shame wants to affect me to this day. Sometimes when I am put on the spot, my face turns red from old patterns. I feel so frustrated with myself, but then I stop and remember it’s just old stuff, and I know that by pursuing gentleness toward myself instead of frustration, I will succeed in the goal of overcoming fear, and I will eventually win. Besides, I am not in elementary school anymore and disappearing is not an option. That is in the past, and I have set my mind on overcoming. I talk more about practicing as a tool in a previous post titled Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking with Grace.

As a mature adult, you also have a choice. And part of that is choosing to reframe your old beliefs and mindsets. Essentially you need to reprogram yourself out of the old way of thinking! And it could look something like this, say it with me now:

“I am worthy to belong”. “I am worthy to belong”. “I am worthy to belong”. I AM A GREAT PUBLIC SPEAKER.

Keep saying it until you believe it.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to avoid situations that make me afraid, I want to conquer them.

A very effective tool to help me reframe is to have a series of thoughts ready to go to replace the old ones. I’ve implemented this for my clients with success! It goes something like this…

Make a list of unworthy statements that come to your mind. Thoughts like: I can’t, people will laugh at me, I will get it wrong, no one will like me, I’m a loser. And just remember, those thoughts are not who you are, thoughts can come at us as inconvenient lies that we’ve been made to believe, and now is the time to release it.

Next, make a list of renewed thoughts to replace the old ones; power thoughts like: I accept myself. I love myself. I can and will do this. Fear is liar. I will not give up. I am worthy and I do belong. Take note of how you feel when you recite these words. Do you feel inspired? Happy? More Confident? Worthy? Courageous?

I have seen a drastic improvement when this tool is applied, and my clients are happy to report they apply this tool in all aspects of their lives for real results.

In terms of avoiding situations that bring feelings of embarrassment, what is the story of un-belonging you are holding on to? Are you willing to let it go, so you can move on to better things?

The way you choose to think about how you see yourself, can free you in the public speaking realm. You can come to the place of really enjoying who you are in front of a crowd. It may take some time, and even years of practice. But with practice and perseverance you will reap the benefit of no longer feeling embarrassed in public.

Remember…

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.”