Healing from Parental Alienation as a Single Mom - Part 2
Healing from Parental Alienation as a Single Mom
A few months ago, I posted a blog about Parental Alienation and its devastating effects on both the parent and child. In case you missed it, you can find it here: Parental Alienation Blog. To quickly refresh, parental alienation occurs when one parent systematically undermines the relationship between their child and the other parent, often using fear and manipulation to create division. This situation results in the alienated parent feeling rejected, and the child facing emotional confusion and loyalty struggles.
In today's post, I want to take a deeper dive into the spiritual side of healing after experiencing parental alienation, particularly from the perspective of a single mom. Healing is a journey, and it starts with addressing the pain of rejection—especially when it comes from your own children.
The Pain of Rejection: A Personal Reflection
This experience of rejection reminds me of my high school years. I never quite fit in socially, especially with the so-called "popular girls." I remember walking into junior high, so excited to reconnect with friends, only to realize things had changed. I was an outsider. Raised on a ranch miles away from town, I felt disconnected from the social dynamics at school. I didn’t have the charm, the looks, or the wit that seemed to be the currency for popularity.
There was one particular girl who took a special interest in bullying me. I wasn’t big or outspoken, and I quickly became her target. Yet, the strange thing was, we had once been best friends. One day, without explanation, she turned on me. The cause? A new girl named Joel, who quickly became the center of attention. I was now “out” and the bully had found a new target to be "in."
This experience from my youth offers a parallel to the world of parental alienation. Just like in high school cliques where someone is cast out and someone else is made "good," alienating parents often need to elevate themselves by casting the other parent as the villain. The children, much like I did in school, become the victims—too afraid to speak out for fear of retaliation.
Healing from the Heartbreak of Rejection
As a single mom who has experienced parental alienation, it’s important to recognize that forgiveness is a crucial first step in healing. This is a hard truth but a necessary one. Without forgiveness, there can be no reconciliation. But forgiveness does not mean giving up hope for a relationship with your children. Rather, it’s about releasing the bitterness and anger that threaten your peace and well-being.
In the book of Luke 23:34, Jesus offers us the perfect example of forgiveness:
“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34 KJV).
In a similar way, alienating parents may act out of deep fear, bitterness, or insecurity, believing they are doing what’s best. But the truth is, like the people who crucified Jesus, they may not understand the full impact of their actions. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior; it sets you free from the chains of hatred and resentment.
The Power of Forgiveness
When we choose forgiveness, we are not just freeing the person who has wronged us—we are also releasing ourselves from guilt and the torment of unforgiveness. It is critical to recognize that guilt can be an incredibly tormenting force. I know this from personal experience, as I’ve actively worked on removing guilt from my life. Forgiveness allows us to stop believing the lies that we are unworthy or unaccepted.
Ephesians 1:6-7 says,
“To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace.”
You are accepted and loved by God. And when you forgive, you are accepting the peace that comes with the freedom of Christ’s love.
The Danger of Judging
Another vital step in healing is to not judge the alienating parent. Jesus taught us not to judge others, for when we do, we invite judgment upon ourselves. Matthew 7:1-2 says:
“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” (Matthew 7:1-2 KJV)
In other words, when we resist the temptation to judge, we avoid the weight of carrying that same judgment. It's about choosing compassion over judgment and recognizing that alienating parents often act from fear, not love.
Finding Peace in the Midst of Parental Alienation
The final step in this healing process is to allow God’s peace to rule in your heart. This peace transcends all understanding, and it’s through this peace that we can endure the complexities of parent-child relationships after parental alienation.
The path forward isn’t easy, but as Colossians 3:12-13 reminds us:
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
This verse speaks directly to the heart of parental alienation—the need for mercy, forgiveness, and long-suffering. Let God’s peace rule in your heart, and remember that even in your pain, God is with you, offering the grace needed to overcome this trial.
Conclusion: Hope for Reconciliation
If you are a single mom dealing with the pain of parental alienation, know that healing is possible. Forgiveness, peace, and hope are the keys that will unlock the door to reconciliation. Trust in God’s timing and His ability to heal broken relationships. Your journey may be long, but with faith and perseverance, you can find peace in the midst of this heartache.
God bless you.
Nancy
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