Winning a 2019 Corvette Stingray and Struggling to Feel Worthy of It.

Is it easier for you to give than to receive? It is for me.

For the majority of my life, I have struggled with the ability to receive gifts. And this beauty of a car was one of those struggles…

Let me backtrack a bit - well, maybe a whole lot.

My family tree as far back as the history books show, have worked from before sun up and after sun down. At one time, I had in my possession a photograph from Russia, where one of my descendants was working with a team of twelve draft horses plowing a field; teaching the Russians the proper aspects of farming so they could be successful. That is how I was raised. With a work hard ethic. I scythed hay for horses, hauled grain by 5 gallon pail for a thousand head of cows (I carried 4 pails at a time to make quicker work), and drove a semi-truck helping my dad haul bales by the time I was 13. Like I said, I came from a family that took pride in hard work…and as a result my work ethic is unparalleled. In fact, my first job after I left home was for an oilfield company where I was a swamper on a bedtruck hauling empty 750 barrel tanks from oilfield lease to oilfield lease. At the time my boss told me I was the hardest working crew member he had ever employed, and there were 60 men on his crew!

I was a seventeen year old girl, working harder than the men. Back then, I thought it was a feather in my cap. But now, I’m not so sure…

Now I can see…I was not a man. And I didn’t know how to be a girl.

What confusion. But it is gradually falling away…

Layer by layer, I am seeing the world as I am meant to see it. Step by step, I am seeing the gentleness of life, and how you don’t need to kill yourself with work in order to get ahead. In fact, I have observed those who choose to work their fingers to the bone, eventually end up with very poor health, or even dying - some times the moment they stop working, succumbing to heart attack or disease.

It’s no way to spend our short time here on earth. Where is the joy? The fun?? Where are the deep abiding relationships, the treasure trove of life..?

“I can do it myself”is really an accusation. And if you’ve ever been around someone who is driven, it’s not much fun. (I’m raising my hand)…It makes you question yourself and if you are worthy to receive without back breaking effort. The accusation will double down on a feeling of being invincible. Like somehow you are above God, and you don’t need help. That was me.

It’s becoming less and less like me all the time.

What if I told you God is not responsible for the never ending toil and grind? What if I told you there is a better way to do business, work, and life?

Let me take you back to another story that is very relevant to my life. Prior to my husband and I getting married, he shared there was a debt he was responsible for. It was a significant amount, and by marrying him I recognized, I would help carry the load. I would be signing up to be his helper in every way. It would be part of the marriage process, tackling the debt, and since day one I did everything in my power to help and to support in every way possible. What an “interesting” way to begin a marriage, but truthfully - I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Oh the things I have learned…about myself and my relationships.

The first thing we did was sell everything that wasn’t nailed down. And I mean everything. It all had to go. We had houses, assets, cars, “stuff”. The home I raised my sons in and had a deep emotional attachment to. Everything - gone.

There were no extra’s, no eating out. No vacations. No spending. In fact we shared an older car for a year and half, many times I drove my husband to work, but I was happy to do it! No complaining allowed, because one thing I know. Complaining is in direct opposition to blessings and I wanted more blessings!

We had each other, and to keep our hearts free from letting the debt eat at us, we made the choice to pray for the company to whom the debt was owed. We also asked that the finances of that company and all its employees who received the money would be blessed ten-fold. We also did this in the face of much accusation, and bitterness. We remained consistent, year-after-year until the debt owing was paid.

And when the organization wanted (yet) more, we kept praying that we could withstand all that was being thrown at us. We didn’t do it for the person responsible, we did it for ourselves. It was so personal to be giving everything, and seemingly getting nothing in return, some days only our faith and each other sustained our efforts. And our efforts were monumental. My husband almost worked himself to death. Until, he just couldn’t do it anymore.

Which brings me to point #2.

Recieving a blessing, when you feel unworthy.

My husband and I both needed a reprieve, and one day while sitting at my computer, I felt a Still Small Voice tell me to invest in a ticket for a luxury home package. I followed this leading and signed up. Well, lo and behold a few months later, we got the call that we had won a car. A 2019 Corvette Stingray to be exact! And what was so amazing about it was, I signed up for the package in my husband’s name. This blessing totally amazed him! Well, the long story short is - he drove the car for a short while, and we sold it to help pay off a portion of the debt! It was an incredible blessing, and something I am so grateful for. At the time however, I had deep feelings of guilt for having received something so fine. I didn’t really enjoy driving in the car, that’s how much guilt I endured.

I was afraid people would judge me for having something nice.

Which brings me to point #3.

I wonder how much God wants to bless us but we are so busy pushing away the things we feel we don’t deserve, we cannot see the bigger picture..? I admit there are so many good things I have rejected because I did not believe it was possible to be gifted something without working for it.

Much like the generations before me, who taught their children to mow hay with a scythe, it was not just a skill but a mindset passed on to each generation to follow…I can almost feel the scythe in my hand now. The wooden handle, and the swinging sound of every swoosh as I landed a well placed cut.

What is the scythe in your life? (Big breath)

What I mean is, there is a way of thinking you’ve held on to for so long - you can hardly imagine your life without it. You want blessings but don’t know how to receive with an open heart.

After all, its possible you’ve been hurt more times than you can count.

Can I bring you into the relational aspect of receiving..? And specifically the connection between relationships and receiving? The Corvette I won? Well, I bought the ticket because a woman I was in relationship with the day before - she laughed when my husband said that people who follow God don’t buy lottery tickets.

It was her word that made me “pause” and think. And when God was ready to move in my life, I listened (the very next day). It was like our little joke, between God and me. Something fun that let us both know God was listening and taking care of us.

Hmmmm….makes you think. (Please do not go and buy a lottery ticket because you think I am advocating you to do so). My blessings continue to show up in the most unexpected ways, and I believe this to be a unique aspect of God working with you where you are at.

The point I am trying to make is (wonderful) people who have a heart to serve, and give, are waiting in the wings to give you a kind word, to help make your life better. There is such a humbleness in that, IF you can receive it, and I really enjoy being around these people. These super cool people are everywhere. They are in corporations and give when no one is looking, they own luxury car dealerships and hire chaplains to walk alongside the weary and hurting at work, they are luxury home salespeople ready to give the shirt off their back; and they are farmers, and truckers, who are ready to accomplish the impossible for our country. They even live in your own neighbourhood, you see, every connection is a little miracle. It doesn’t always have to be “hard”. That is my perspective…

Point #4

Less of the back breaking work

At one time I was consistently earning $14,000 for two days of Consulting work, helping people “connect and grow” in the workplace, and I wasn’t on social media “pounding the pavement” either. (Maybe one day I’ll blog about that too…and the guilt I struggled with because I felt like I was supposed to “do” more.) Can you hear the struggle between feeling unworthy and guilty about being blessed..?? It’s got to go!

I realize I’m going long here, but hang in there I’m almost done.

Back to receiving….The people who provide blessings to others seek to give to those who are humble, and who can receive with gratitude, while not expecting it. Please hear that. An attitude of gratefulness means everything.

I know this because I’ve walked side-by-side with the humble and grateful, and these people are off your radar…They are not complaining nor begrudging the success of others. In fact they celebrate the success of others. On the inside they are having a party when you succeed. That is me. I love your success. Absolutely thrilled about it. Those other successful folks? They could be wearing old blue jeans frayed at the bottom, or driving a luxury car. They may even drive an older SUV with a few rust spots, but they all have one thing in common. They are smiling their way through the world, debt-free, prosperous and ready to bless others. They realize there is so much more to life than simply storing up stuff for themselves.

So look for those people who see the world through similar eyes - and they are waiting to join up with YOU.

What does all this have to do with receiving a car? Well, in the midst of the challenge of paying off the debt and doing our best to manage our own lives at the same time. God gave me the gift of learning how to buy and sell luxury properties. Talk about an unexpected blessing in the midst of a storm. But that is a different story for another time.